17 And Coming Clean For The First Time

Maybe not so...
Well Im still 17.
and i like to think
that im 'clean'.
hah. not in the
literal sense of the word.

2 more weeks and
im 18!!! gosh.
well yeah its only abt
1 yr.

but with great age comes
great responsibility.
bluek!

haha.

well. yeah.. 18. gosh.
hope my 18 burfdae is nice.
here comes more legal
stuff on the way.

muahaha. devil me. :P

anyways...
today was a pretty good
day. FINALLY i left 1
more paper only for prelims.

n HE doesnt even care. :(

haiz. see im still thinking abt
him. my mind is stuck on
him. bah! somebody save me
from this poison called LOVE.

kwang2...

oh well.

im gonna be older.
but am i wiser?
i think so... lets have a bit
of self-reflection.

Retrospective...

yes.. im much more confident
in nature.
ddnt change hu i am..
maybe love made me more
love sick. but besides tht
im still me!

barggh.

haha. im goin mad.

maybe i shld ask him to
join my 'Hougang Buddies'.
hahaha.

HE would TOtally FIT the
bill! he looks like one. ;)

hehe.

Oh..
A note of advice:

*Jangan puasa yok yok
pagi pagi bukak periuk*

haha. to all muslims
Slamat menyambut
(menghadapi)
ramadhan!

this yr ramadhan is on
13 September. :)

cant wait till we all buka
sama-sama. LOVE! :))

Then I realised what it took...

Courage

thats the key thing i
had to muster...
when i have to see you
with another girl...

my heart crushed...

knowing u proposed to
her...
but not me...

knowing that my dream
of you n me crushed...
knowing that u love her...
n not me.

seeing that u r with her.

happy.

not with me.

why is it so easy for people
like you to get love...

why is it hard for people
like me to get love...

why is it easy for me to
fall in love...

but not get love...

people always tell me i
don need love to make me
happy.

but what if in real fact it
does.

i just want the experience.

n then i can close my eyes.

n not think abt anything
anymore.

why is it so easy for me to
dream about us...

but never have us...

sigh.

all i can do is sigh.

i should not question god's
decisions abt my life.

but sometimes even people
like me cant bear it.
we lose our patience.

my biggest weakness is when i
compare myself with others.

i see pple around me have
love. my girl frens, tht GUY,
my used to be crush...
all with someone. happy.
2-sided love, mind u...
n me, i have none. why do
i feel jealous. why do i want
what they want.

why cant i just live with it...
with e fact tht im alone.

im being lyk one of those
cheesy-emo-'i've lost love'
people. arggh. wats happening
to me.

i cant handle it.

seeing him with another girl.
makes me so crushed inside.

n he's not even my love.
so if my love has a girlf, i
would totally die inside
and remain empty.

would i lose my personality...
start being fake abt who i truly
am... or are... as some pple says.
heh.

everything i say or do reminds
me of you... haiz.

however... u dont see it. i only
see u in ur own world. n don
u see me miserable. dreadful.

its been a long time since
i blogged. so i prefer to start
emo-ing. so bear with me...

nobody feels my pain inside.
i pretend as if im ok with him
being with her.. tht i don like
him anymore... but i do
actually... i feel pain each time
i think of him with her...

if everyone cld feel the feelin
of seeing someone they like with
someone else.. they would be
crushed too..

this is indeed a story of a
lonely bitch.