Hold My Hands And Lead Me Up This Hill.

Jack and Jill went up
the hill to fetch a pail
of water.
Jack fell down n broke
his thumb and Jill went
tumbling after.

Such a simple nursery
rhyme has alot of meaning
to me. hah. i always say
tht people think too much.

n im doing the exact same
thng. contradicting my
philosophy. but... well at
least i don thnk too much
and thus go around creating
wars and tension in other
countries.

yes im referring to certain
political leaders hu just cant
make the cut. n then cause all the
disasters happening in the
world today.. like war...

well. its life.

n the key to living this is to
always be thankful for
wat we have... rather
than be angry with wat
we don have.

yeh. another philosophy of
mine. which i go against at
times. well. sometimes
emotions fill me up too much.
i cant help it. hah.

on the brighter side of thngs...
i finally felt alive once again
today! during p.e., we got to
play soccer. my fave sports!
woohoo! it was fun.

i was destressed. with all the
pressure on me now, i cant
bear it at times. always getting
emo these days. so things like
this make me happy... plus things
like: seeing him.. n seeing
tht he's happy. (staring at me,
gosh tht brings chills down my
spine.. i wonder wht his stares
mean?!)

but in general actually im
happy. well sometimes it hurts
wen i thnk of certain stuff
tht im sad abt... but at the end
of e day, im always happy. :)

so yeh.. we had soccer. den
i became high. gosh. i wished
he saw me play soccer. den
he would beam at me n be
proud of me.

or maybe not..

but hu cares... if he saw... i
wld still be happy.


hah. so yeh... soccer
was fun! finally got to play after
months of nt playing. surprisingly
i was pretty ok. i rmb all my
basics. hah.


then, tomoro me n e 'gang' r going
out to play bowling! woohoo!
happy me :) well i wld be happier
if there r More pple coming.
ahemz. well.. too bad. just the
few of us is ok. sometimes less is
more :)

yay! to marina sq we go! so we
can go makan2... n shopping.. heeh.
dono whther the guys wld like tht.

i guess they wld. n we hld have
loads of fun. somethng to really
look forward too. :D

ok...

now comes the point where explain
wht i mean by i find there's more
meaning to the 'jack and jill' rhyme.

Well.. i've always dreamt of being
in a place where there's just the
2 of us.. where it's a real utopia.
i've had a few incidences tht made
me thnk of the rhyme n why i
relate to it...

well.. once was wen in dis yr..
i dragged this guy i used to lyk
around.. (literally). as in... i held
his hand... and i just didnt care
wht pple might thnk. gosh if
HE noes abt it... wld he be jealous?

hah. well me n tht guy i use to
lyk were just frens ah. but we
used to tok alot.. n the one where
i held his hand was just one incidence
where i let loose n had fun.
'fren-fren' thng k.. sorta. well, me
holding his hand like tht brought
me into another world.

i tot of just us alone. where i can
feel perfect happiness n bliss. n
i can feel really alive. its just tht
dragging him around with me,
holding his hands was fun. cos
its something i neva done.. n
prob wldnt have dared to do
if it hadnt been for tht night,
when i wanted to let loose.

gosh. yeh.. tht was a few months
ago. sighs. wht fond memories
:) i loved those times!

n part of 'those times' was wen
my dreams n hopes didnt
crash yet. its dis guy... a great
guy hu made me thnk i stood
a chance. but then it vanished
wen i got to noe he has someone
else.

i rmb walking
with him... we were rushing...
because we forgot the time..
cldnt stop toking. sighs. :)
those were the days... n den
we went up this 'hill'.. n it
felt lyk a dream... he was
so caring.. n wen the 2 of
us were walking on it, it
felt like.. eveyrone arnd me
vanished.

n so its just the two of us.
n i imagined him holding
my hand.. n never letting
me go. making me feel secured,
with no fears.. we were like
jack n jill going up a hill...

thts wen our frenship started...
it escalated.. we became closer..
then things changed. when
he broke is thumb, when he
broke wht we had... n then jill,
me, i went down... down this
hill tht was painful for me...
cos the experience of finding
out that he has another, hurts
alot.

u may laugh at the way i
interprete the rhyme. haha.
but its real for me.

n then im in my real world
again. where there's a guy
tht i care for alot. since last
yr... den the other guys tht i
have liked before dont relli
matter to me. only HE does..

meeting them might bring
sparks back. but only one
person still remains in my
heart.

he's the one hu would
stay up all throught the
night with me... key word:
'Would'. now, we dont do
tht no more!? gosh wht has
happened. pls tok to me! :T

i miss you.