Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker

Everythng's kinda fine now.
yet there's potential tht
volcano larva is abt to erupt
out of me any time soon.

argg.

Don't u ever get the feeling
that u feel shock with ur identity?
I cant believe this is who i
am at times... also i cant
imagine ME being anyone
else.

yet.. sometimes u wish u are.
u wish to step out from the
real you n be someone ur
not. but thts not right...
n i cant do tht cos i don thnk
i will be able to handle being
someone else.

gosh. i shldnt even question
my own identity. this is hu
i am. i have to accept it.

but i dono... can others
accept it?

it doesnt matter wht other
pple thnk.
true philosphy of a punk
rocker. hah.

but.. it matters wht those
pple u care abt thnk.
u want them to lyk u.
but u cant. they jus lyk
u as a fren.

thts my identity.
im the next door fren.
the one u don treat
seriously. e one u
jus wanna chat with.

for the sake of just wanting
to get information?
or do they really care? do
they really truly wanna tok
to u?

n wen u tok...
do they truly listen?

rhetoric questions.
no point here.

what im saying.
what im typing.

it relates to my life.
n im pretty sure everyone
else's as well.
sometimes we dont get what
we want.

perhaps wht we want is asking
too much.
we need to be grateful for wht
we have.
but sometimes we jus want it
so badly.
but we still cant get it.

shld we give up?
never say never?
haha.

i shld jus be glad tht i can
still.. still able to tok... tok
to pple. hmmm.

doesnt make much sense.
nvm.
maybe some day everyone
will understand.

cos i keep my feelings
secret. haha. i don even
tell hafizah! abt hu i lyk..

but i noe. i thnk
she noes. she understands.
if its not time for me to tell
her... its just not time yet..

haha. ok. stop emoing n being
cheesy.. argg. nope nope.
im still emo. plus pms is getting
me hormones running high.
haha.

i guess i'll just keep everythng
as prt of my memory.
n treasure it.
n jus noe tht at least i have tht
to salvage.

ok...

so moving on to CCA fair.
again i wanted to type career fair.
haha. oops mistake.

Well. there's only one word for it..

I was going to say : DEAD

but then it was kinda FUN for me.
haha. i guess cos alot of thngs
keep me entertained. hehe.
hmmm...

like i get to listen n groove to
live cool music. heh. n also get
to jam. :)

best prt.. i noe im gettin closer.
get to be emo with pple.
hah. but i get this feeling
again.. dejavu. its lyk i get
closer to pple but i realise
its all too dangerous. i get my
hopes up. i get mixed signals.

but i noe its all not worth it.
cos pple don feel wht i feel.
so then whts e point?

haiz. one-sided-ness sucks.

but still wht i can say
today was fun.
cos pple were nice today.
hehe.

pple were funny. crazy.
there were turn-off points
but still wht can i say..
pple will remain pple.

i cannot deny tht i feel
for pple.

still dono wht im toking abt?
haha. its ok. :)

I hereby solemly swear...

To not lose my handphone
ever again!!!

argg.

yes. the most unfortunate
thing happened to me today.
luckily i still have my old
sim card. e one with my old
no. n my old phone.
n luckily i still have my mp3..

errr. thts wen i thnk i dropped
my hp. wen i was too engrossed
thnking abt where i put my mp3.
i think i put my mp3 in my
pocket n it dropped. most prob
in the bus.

while on e way home. shld i continue
searching for my hp? but jus now
i did. i trailed back the route i took.
urgh. i felt a sudden sense of
panic first. then frustration.

then regret.
i lost all my messages!!!
argg. haiz... some phone no.s.
my hp is lyk my everytng.
almost.

its not abt the materialistic
part. its abt e sentiments
n memories my hp brings.
all these cannot be bought
with money. i cant replace
them! haiz.

i also lost all the pics i took
on my hp! haiz.

i almost killed myself wen
i once accidentally deleted
all the messages in my
inbox. and now this! argg.

but i tell to myself. the
important thng is not
the msgs. but the memories
i have n will cherish. but
the msgs r the thngs tht
make me rmb all the thngs
tht happen in my life!

haiz. well. nvm as my fren
say.. maybe there's a
'hikmah' to all this.

wht am i goin to tell my mom!
argg.

memories... haiz.
i will jus cherish them.
n to make me not forget them..
i shall promise to myself to make
a blog or diary. n write down
all e memories i have..

of you.. of me.. haiz.

now i gtg n call wdlands interchange.
my last hope.

The cat's caught in the dryer

New band name?
hahha. yeh rite.

so.. this sunday..
me, wan n rusydi went
to jam at rythm masala.

haha. wht a name rite..
but i been there b4
with my band entourage.
to have extra prac. missed
those times. haiz.

well. we're all getting distant.

but who cares when i know
pple hu lyk ta jam green day.
hehe. so hack the rest. :P

yes. my weekend was packed.
n relli fun.

sunday was great. haha. wen
the 3 of us tot of tht.. our
minds straight away wen to
'church on sunday'. :)

Wan wanted to see my
enthu-ness for green day n
hmm. im sure he did. haha.

first we met at wdl. i was late.
supposed to meet rusydi at
our block. but.. oh well. i had to
settle some family thng first.

wan was late. expected. haha.
so i met both of them at wdl
mrt. then we took bus 969 to
the studio. but it was closed.
but wan said it wld be opened
soon.

so we went to e coffee shop.
lepak-lepak for a while. i
was SO hungry. i went to eat.
the food was delicious.
(note to self: must always go
there to eat!)

haha. the place is at chompang
near yishun. the 3 of us den
were jus chatting. tok abt green
day mostly. haha. sometimes
rusydi n wan tok abt dono
wat. i just keep quite. heh.

i saw this adorable kitten. poor
thng. its paw was injured. n
rusydi can make jokes abt it.
haha. grunge n all. :T
but fun ah. he's becoming more
n more lyk someone i noe.

i guess his influence is strong.
stairway to heaven... haha.

after tht.. we went to jam.
yay! but it felt so short la.
even tho it was an hour.

i had to admit i ddnt noe how
to play most of the songs.
cos i lack the practice. sorry
guys. but they dont mind.
nice pple. heh. :)

k. so i promise i will prac n noe
how to play all green day songs.
the funny thng is.. the songs
i noe.. i learnt.. we didnt jam.

heh. but nvm la. it was fun
anyways. jus cos both of them
r relli funny n fun to hang out
with. rusydi.. with his grungeness.
haha. everytng oso grunge. :)

we saw this uncle at e coffee shop.
his hair all messy, long. very
grunge. haha. but he was wearing
a singlet n he had a pot belly.
not so grunge after all? heh.

den we saw him again. he passed
the studio. but this time he
was on a bicycle. haha. relli
cracked me up. wen i saw him.
me n rusydi were laughing lyk
hell. n i thnk wan was lost with
wht we were thnking abt. haha.

also.. i saw this young guy.. teen..
he was carrying 2 bicycle tires
in his hand. haha. den he was
chasing his friend hu was on a bike.
on e road?! haha. wth..

funny sights.. haha. me n rusydi
gagged all the way.. then we
got in e studio. finally. hah.

i got to sing 'american idiot.'
woo-hoo. relli fun. but the
funnest song for me wld prob
have to be 'waiting' or hmmm...
'church on sunday'. i forgot.
all i know is tht i rocked out
lyk shit for tht song. haha.

it was relli fun. wen we head
to e coffeshop again n back home,
we were toking abt green day.
wht makes us lyk them so much.

oso i told rusydi abt some stuff,
some jokes. haha. abt 'rolling'
or 'golek-ing' as a method to lose
weight. haha. this is suggested
by someone hu just loves to
thnk out of the box. way out...
haha. :)

rusydi laughed lyk hell wen i told
him abt tht joke. haha. roll
around the track n the red thngs
on it act as 'acupuncture'. hahaha.
wth. but it is funny.

n he told me abt 'stairway to
heaven'. hahaha. i thnk he told
me tht at the coffeeshop b4 we
jammed. haha. the unfinished
bridge outside our school is the
stairway to heaven.

imagine! if we walked on it.. we
wld plummet straight to our
deaths. :T n up to heaven! haha.
but someone says.. we must have
confidence. 'kena yakin diri'!
haha. also.. we tok abt how this
person have certain expressions
wen he tok. haha.

i guess.. e conversation was mostly
abt this someone or.. green day.

haha. wow. it was relli fun esp
till all e way to my block. ;)

Castaway - I'm on a mission - an expedition

Hey hey
this is probably one of the last
few times im gonna blog
for this month.

cos its exam time.
argggg. im so unprepared.

For today.. i want to write
on wht happened on sat.
i been busy. now im findin
time to blog.

Basically, on sat we went
to e zoo! heheh.
n by WE.. i mean the MLEP
students. well.. some only.

20 of us. then i got to know
more of the j1s. hah. relli
nice pple. yep.

it was a fun day. firstly it
was quite ok only. but i
get to observe cute kids!
haha.

lets start with.. getting to
e zoo. well.. i was late. hah.
as usual. arg. don blame me.
:T it was my stomach. hehe.
big ache.

den i caused everyone to be
late. cos they were waiting for
me. sorry guys. again. heh.
i met up with 2 of these j1 gals..
hajar n hmm. cant rmb. hehe.
oso with narimah n rusydi.
at wdl mrt. took train to amk.

rusydi asked abt our jammin
thng for sunday. haha. i said
onz ah! gosh. this onz thing is
relli influencing me alot. :P

so.. i was excited. with the idea
of jammin with 2 green day
fans. yay! haha. finally some
jammin songs i can relli look
forward to..

so at amk.. ilham n gang were
waiting for us. then we took
bus 138. (haha. yes. im very
detailed)

we walked to the interchange.
on e way.. me n rusydi were
singing greenday songs. heh.
thnking abt wht songs we
wanted to jam... oso he told me
abt tht time he got lost at amk
n asked a lil boy for directions.

haha. hillarious.
den we missed the bus. gosh.
so we had to wait at the
interchange. for abt another
10 mins. haha. but it was fun.

cos me n rusydi tok abt green
day.. mostly. haha. well its fun
to share the same interest with
someone. heh. it was relli fun.

n all e way to e bus too.. in there
we were listening to green day
songs. well. half his ear was
listening to my mp3 n half to
his hp. haha. funny sia. fun too.

oh ya. i let him listen to 'blood, sex
and booze'. this song.. abt hmm.
lets jus say.. bondage. haha. yeah.
really. first time he listen to this
green day song. poor thng. tht song
is relli nice. :)

so.. the bus trip was relli long. yeh.
cos the bus was slow. but hu cares
when you're having fun. grunge all
e way. hehe.

well. i jus got to noe rusydi for a few
weeks. abt 1 month. but we r
havin loads of fun. hahah. cos
of green day. :)

ok. so we reached the zoo. n i thnk
the organizers arnt happy with
our grp. oops. i wanted to say sorry.
but nothng came out. haha. i jus
paid attention. i was jus too excited
to worry abt anythng else. hah.

so.. i was assigned.. sadly.. to the
'reading trail' booth. basically me
n narimah had to tear coupons
from e families n then give them
e booklet they r supposed to fill
up. the parents will ask us qns.
but we ourselves r very blur. argg.

but we began to ask e organisers
qns. i guess we cant depend too much
on them telling us wht to do. we
had to ask them.

i was so hungry. i cld eat... narimah.
haha. but thnk god. at arnd 10.30 we
had a break. ate kfc. burger n pepsi.

den.. aft tht we had a telematch. it
was a race. where parents n children
r involved. i got to see so many
families. some were not purely malays.
there were mixed pple. aww. n some of
them r so adorable esp cos they're mixed.

for the race, i took one group. they were
very very onz! enthu^infinity. haha.
3 of them are half indian. the parent
malay n with his child... well i glad i
took them. haha. they were adorable.

well. we won second. haha. i ddnt participate.
jus had to carry the SINGA sign. haha.
thts our grp's name. the kids
were roaring (literally) with enthusiasm.
hah. aft the thng.. e mum of the 3 kids
asked them to take a pic with me,
'kakak singa' (lion sis) hahah.

wht a joke.

well i won myself a sticker book.
haha.
which i teared it open with rusydi.
hehe.
den we shared goodie bags. he gave
me all the raisin buns. idiot. haha.

den we were all emo when they
were giving out the prizes. cos
we were facing the lake. n then
looking out. n being so bored.
haha.

it was overall a relli fun day.
aft the thng, we took photo as
a grp. we went around the zoo.
n got all tired n hot. haha.

gosh. i wanted to abduct one
of the children there. relli
cute. :)

What Went Wrong

I'm sick of always hearing
All the sad songs on the radio
All day it is there to remind
an over sensitive guy
That he's lost and alone, yeah

I hate our favorite restaurant,
our favorite movie, our favorite
show
We would stay up all through
the night
We would laugh and get high
And never answer the phone

I can't forgive
Can't forget
Can't give in
What went wrong...
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life

I'm sick of always hearing
Sappy love songs on the radio
This place is fucking cursed
and it's plagued
And I can never escape
when my heart it explodes

I can't forgive
Can't forget
Can't give in
What went wrong...
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life

I'm kicking out fiercely at the world
around me
What went wrong...
I'm kicking

(c)
Blink 182
'What Went Wrong'
Take off your pants and jacket

Now the routine's turning to contention

Now I cannot speak
I lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
Cos "I love you's" not enough
I'm lost for words.

This is how im feeling.
I think we're getting distant.
Such that talking to each other
is redundant.

Argg. I think that is how he feels
about me.

Sad situation.

But there's hope.

Let's just say other factors...
other people... other things...
can make me feel happy.

but it's hard.

Especially today.
I just feel crappy thruout.
n yet.. jus now during lunch
i was crazy!!! haha.

took stup vids with fizah. hah.
poor kam's hp.
full of US! ;)
but den i get bck to reality.
n i become so pissed off with
everytng n everyone arnd me.

kam n fizah asked me to relax
dur our hist debate. i was so
heated up. literally speaking
as well..
sorry guys if i seem so mad n
irritated e hell out of u all by
stoning so bad. haha.

well.. i was in a bad mood today.
arrgg. sorry guys.

i was in such a bad mood tht..
i was relli
irritated with e way my frens'
speak. with e way everyone
does their stuff. erm.

its lyk i cant stand certain
things abt certain pple. lyk
pple hu try to hard, pple hu
crave attention, etc. etc.
long story... its just
my personality. hah.

they prob thnk im a bitch.

sorry guys! bad mood ler.
hopefully i change tomoro..
hah.

i realise that im very mood-
motivated. hah. not moody.
just motivated by mood.
my actions r determined by
my mood at times...

most of the times tho i follow
both e brain n heart. not jus
heart. but at times i cant help
it. hah.

yeah. i was so pissy today.
i thnk i have e 'murder look'
in my eye. haha.

den i had to go all e way to hougang
today. agg. to e clinic.
i rushed all e way.
thts a long story too. haha.

i really have no time now. haha.

i jus wanna say tht today i bad mood.
so if i seem diff. hah. sorry.

wah. one last thng.. i miss u. argg.
i indirectly told him i love him. heh.

n i cant believe my classmates thnk
i flirt with ... !? haha. ooh. no names.
jus a 'nice' thng tht seri calls him
mr flirt. haha. :)