Sick

I was SOOO sick.

yeah. for the past 3 days.

no time to update.

nothing special happened anyway.

except for 2 thngs. I think.

haha. no.1 -- I met a really CUTE...

CAT.

i bet u were thnking guy. haha.

yeah. i named it 'bengkok'. hehehe.

then...

no.2 -- my aunt's new place 'sort of'.

so yeah...

Once i feel lyk blogging...

NOTE TO SELF: update on these things.

hahahaha. i'm off.

Vivo

Officially...

Since I am sick n tired of being all so
......EMO....

I am going to stop... (for today)
n i will tok about MY DAY.
hahahahaha.

WTF.

ok. so... today I went to Vivo City with a
bunch of girl frens. or shall i say new frens
and one OLD fren (my cousin, Syafiqah).

haha. actually i wanted to go to Vivo City
with Nad last wk. wnted to go with her. but
sighs. she never reply. but oh well.. at least
i got to tangkap feel of tht place.

It is huge!!!
Yep. reminds me of mega mall at KL.
Cos at vivo there are the north, south,
east and west courts; just like at e
mega mall. Wow. My feet hurt.

tht reminds me of a line frm MXPX:
"do your feet hurt?
did u fall from heaven?"

awww. so sweet. a guy sings for a gurl.
so romantic. hahaha. rock some more.

anyways.. back to Vivo. thought I would
get something there but ended up buying food
only. haha. n tangkap feel and gambar. ya.
just atmosphere n scenery. sigh.

People. this is e crtic I give to Vivo.
Shopping: 3/5 (cause e stuff there r above my budget!!!)
Entertainment: 4/5 (love e 3rd floor. but sux on hot days)
Scenery: 4/5 (same comment as entertainment)

Can see sentosa!!! cable car, ferries going to batam... haha
and also its near the harbour side. duh. so loads of
those business ships. those stuff they do to trade...
machines...
best of all... the SENTOSA BRIDGE. real cool.

So... TIME FOR PICS!!!

This is how huge n nice Vivo is...
Presenting the 3rd Floor.














This is where families, friends gather to just have
a little rest for their legs... they go in the water
n splash around. the water is at below knee length.
quite fun..

N that's my leg looking up at Vivo City. haha.
Splash! Splash!















Before that... me n my cousin took some pics of
US (hot models) hahahaha. only me hot. literally. :P
DUO

Fucked Without A Kiss Again

Am I becoming more and more desperate?

I made a pact n its kinda hmm..
It's kinda against my principles.
Haha. yeah. surprisingly I do
of course have principles.

More than anything in the world,
my principles are absolutely important.

One of them lies in the theme of desperation.
R we so desperate enough to do something
that we r embarassed to do?

But desperation, emotions drive pple to do
things.

Well, in my case, my 'thing' that I'm gonna
do is not really such a bad thing.
It may be desperate but I reasoned it out
and I think it's a bold thing to do.

N I have decided that I'm going to spend my
life to the fullest! yep. so.. no fears.. no
embarassments. I will just ask him.

Well. the 'thing' I'm gonna do.. is about asking a guy
something. i think everyone probably guessed
it already.

I'm gonna do it. :T

Think it over.
I like this pic. ALOT.
This is Billie thinking...

haha. I assume he's thinking.
about me I hope. :P

yeah sure... no one's thinking of me.
Maybe I should do something drastic n SUPER
Bold. than, people would notice me n think
abt me. hahaha. nah. im not like that.

I'm still grounded.
I'm glad I'm me. :)

Worry Rock Has Turned To Dust

Its ALIVE!!! Its ALIVE!!!

Rubbish.

Yes. I sort of managed to get my blog up.
With a proper design.
Woohoo!
Check it out.

Used my sis laptop to do it.
So... kudos to ferri.
she doesnt know actually. haha.

Really love the design.
kudos to me.
ok... to e guy i ripped e template from.
thanks. :)

E design really means alot to me.
finally i get a say.
A say tht says green day songs are meaningful.
haha.
yep. another sentimental argument.
it's just perfect.
after all... e worry rock has turned to dust. :)

Sing Me 'POPROCKS AND COKE'!!!

We experience this with relationships ALL the time.
Not just romantic relationships but ALL the
relationships we formed with the ones in our lives.

We only start to realise that we want someone
when the person is gone.
We don't appreciate them when they were
with us.
Then, when they're gone things get awkward.
We get lonely.

My Immortal --
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me.
I've been alone all along."

It's a typical thing we do everyday.
We don't see who are the ones we love.
And now. I just wish I CAN turn back time.
But that would never happen.
I can only forget you but not the time.

As I read my blog, I realise how cheesy n
emo all this is.
But I love writing this sort of thng.
Just to show to eveyone (if there is) that
we move along with our lives w/o
realising certain things.

And when it/they r gone... We MISS THEM.

And we can only look back.
But never go back.

L.O.V.E.

I'm SO shitty to fall for you.

And you...

You get away with it.

Who is YOU?

I'm confused.

Please show me a sign.

Firstly, the one who makes me feel ME
he brightens up my day
I search for him
I think about him
We laugh. We talk all through the night.
And get so sleepy, we're high.
This M.i.a. guy butters my heart.

And yet.. you show no sign.
You treat me lyk a fren.
I rather be your fren.
We should remain this way.
Or else our frenship ends.
We're e same but different.
He's not my type.
I don't want to be him.
But do I wanna be WITH him?

Second, the one my heart beats for.
Soul mate V.S. dream guy???
I don't talk to him.
I stare at him from afar.
And yet... He makes me feel great.
I like him.
But do I love him?
My dreamy green specs guy.
I miss you.

And the third... He's new.
He's the one that I am attracted to.
Just cause...
There are no reasons to explain it.
Unlike those other 2...
I like you for no reason. I just do.
Would I say I do?

And then a bubble pops.
I escape from the realm of fantasy.
I'm back.
In this hateful world. With pple I hate.

I feel bothered. Just cause...
Perhaps I feel useless. No one wants me.
I'm nobody. Pple hate me.
I just wanna be me. And yet.
Me is never enough for them.

AAL -- You are Me. I wanna be You.

I rest my case.

I want to be a great guitar player
(and drums).

So... I'm not gonna be stuck up.
I'm not gonna be sensitive.
I must admit to critics.

I asked him for his help.
Will he help? I know he thinks
I suck. And have no natural
talent. Still... I MUST TRY.
I WONT GIVE IN!!!

I don't care what others think.
Screw you if you don't want me to play.
I'm going to be better than you.
Whats so great about you?
Don't pressure me.
Don't insult me.
I know I'm weak.

Wow. this can be part of a lyrics to a
song.
I'm gonna be a great songwriter too.

Ambitions. Aims. Direction in life.
I love music! I wanna form a band
and go all the way.

I wish to be respected.
As a woman... A female...
Able to play the guitar well.
Even better than some guys.
(feminist speaking. haha.)

I DARE TO DREAM.
@note to be aaliyah natasha - I imagine to be this imagination@

Back To The DAYS

Everything can be SO fucked up.

This Blog.
This Net.
This Entire Planet.

And yet...

We feel an emptiness inside.
What are we supposed to do? Why must we do it?
Simple Qns.
Hard Solutions.

Im feeling SO emo. Dont know why.
Maybe cause he's here.
About 100m away from me.
We seem so near yet so distant.
I never knew him.
He never knew me.

Maybe what my DEAR gurl friend told me is true.
Maybe its time I needed somebody.
Is it?
Again. Another Hard Qn.

Harder than the stupid exam Qns.
These are real life qns.

I'm just going to remain a shell.
An empty shell.
For now.
Till exams are over.

Once they are...
I'm going to change my blog.
I'm going to update it.
And I'm goin to summarize the events that happened each month this year.
Year 2006.
A new beginning.

Arghh! I just saw him go down the stairs with a girl.
A GIRL!
They prob went down to eat.
A DATE?!
Whats wrong with me?
Another Hard Qn.
With Many Wrong Solutions.

Boomba Night!!! (6th Jan)

Woohoo! It's time to party!!!
muahaha. k. stop there. hehe.
Well, boomba night was super
FUN. really great. They should
have it ever year. only problem
is the cost. $$$

Anyway, we met up early at
school as usual. I think today was
the last day to reutrn all the subject
combi forms.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Later On - 3rd-5th Jan

Day 2-4 of Orientation.

I'm just gonna give the main events
this time. My last post was super
long. but its ok i guess. cause its the
first day.

Addition to the first day...
Suddenly i remembered. me n
syaza were the super enthus.
we clicked easily. n were so crazy
for blackfoot. haha.

2nd Day: SUPER BORING.
dreadful. some uni lecturers came
to speak on us abt subject combi.
Me n vani were getting pretty close.
But, currently, i havent tok to her in
a very long time. She's at AC i heard.
So, at the end of the day, the only
thing i was sure abt was tht i was goin
to enter arts n social science when i
get into uni.
And one more thing... I promised myself
NOT to EVER take maths EVER again.
BUT... I had to. damn. Cos, i wanted to
take psychology in Uni. Its better to at
least have H1 (AO) maths. Plus, with
maths, the chance of getting into UNI
and the courses i want is better. Taking
maths gives a wider scope of courses to
take. SO, in the end, I chose (GASP!)
H1 MATHS. Im doomed.

NEXT... 3rd day:
Time for the fun war games. Only
thing. Too bad I didnt stay for it.
I managed to stay for the station
games only. Or was that the fourth
day? haha. Well, basically, during
the 3rd-4th day, we played loads
of games. But i ddnt get to join in
with the war games. SICK. yep.

There was the station games...
I remember one game that was
really disgusting. Its called
arrange chairs or something like
that. Basically, each orientation group
(OG) have to stand on like 8 chairs.
And SQUEEZE. we have to arrange
ourselves according to what the pple
(councillors) want. then, they will spray
water onto us whilst doing this. Its
not just ordinary water. Who knows
what mud and grass have landed into
it?! yucks. Then, wen we had to
squeeze, it was super disgusting n
scary at e same time. i had to squeeze
in with the guys. gawd. sounds lyk
nothing wrong right. But, when i mean
squeeze, i mean, parts touching parts.
Leave it up to the imagination. :T
But, for the sake of my OG and clan,
i did it. :)

There was also another game that was
pretty cool. but, generally station games
are quite a downer. So, the game was
lyk a puzzle thing. they gave car plates
with the numbers and alphabets on them.
We had to guess what the thing is saying
as it is written in short form. (eg. CUL8R)
which is 'see you later.' Syaza was really
good at this game. we were the enthu ones
as i say. But, the rest of my OG members
weren't that bad either.

Only problem... some of them were anti-social.
they were more comfortable with the
friends that they are familiar with. But, the
rest of them were alright. I think we had more
gurls then guys. erm. I think abt 7 or 8 guys.
Then, perhaps, 12 gurls. But of course, there
were more chinese pple. Only one malay guy.

Moving on...
On the 3rd day, i was dead sick. I was trying
to pay attention to Xin Ru (clan leader) and
Ian (head council) talking. But i cant bear it
any longer. So, i reported to my ogl. she
brought me to the office. n my mum was
informed. i went home alone... aww. hehe.
i tried to use the back gate. damn. it was locked.
I had to walk all the way back to the office.
I could have walked the short cut way
(through the grassy areas) but i ddnt noe
abt it at that time. And if i walk that way,
it would be so extra. Everyone is at the
grandstand. So, i used the SUPER long route.
Took one whole big circle around the school.
Arrived at the bus stop. was super tired. i
thought i should go to the clinic. so i called
my mum. Was of no use. i called my sis. We
met at woodgrove pri and she gave me her
netts. so, i went to the clinic n got an mc and
some medicine. Syaza told me she saw me
while i was on the way there. haha.

4th day:
woke up. still super sick. so i rested.
headache. flu was gone though. then, i went
to shcool later only. i ddnt want to miss
anything. Oh. and also ddnt want to miss
the cca fair. when i reach school, it was prob
abt 12 something. They just finished with
the war games. Syaza told me it was rough.
thank god i was sick. so, i stayed on. we ate
our lunch. catered. Had some meeting
again with blackfoot. discuss abt performance
item on boomba night. I was still having a
headache. gawd. CCA fair was fun. Syaza told
me what came as a shock to me. She n
Khalis are together. I ddnt noe that. She lied
to me at first. haha. they were playing a
game. see hu will be interested them first
at innova. so, they told us all that they are
best friends. haha. my ass... more than
friends. its so obvious actually. Khalis was
my 1st guy fren at innova. haha. told him
that. he's nice. was concerned abt me getting
sick and all... ah. now i rmb. during cca
fair, we went to the musician's club booth.
located at the back of the hall. david was
playing on the guitar. of course at first i
ddnt noe who he was. he's really good.
solo guitar. excellent. then, me, syaza n
khalis got so excited abt joining the cca.
(one of the reasons i join innova) Khalis
was the first to sign up. Then, aufar who
was in my og oso. hmmm. i signed up
soon after syaza. then, we had to go
for auditions. they said they will tell us
the date online. the thought of audition
frightened me. I was 0 when it comes
to guitar skills at that time.

well, we continue on to the next day...
the most exciting day throughout of all
the orientation days.

A New Beginning - 3rd Jan 2006

I'm gonna start off with the very first day
of me at innova. I didnt manage to update
my blog from my olevel exams all the way
to now, me in innova. So, here goes.

It all started off with my hustle and bustle
to get to school in time. With perfection of
course. I consider myself quite a perfectionist
when it comes to dealing with myself.
Self-centered as some call it.

A new day begins. A new year. And a new
environment. I wouldnt say a new life. Or
perhaps... it is. Innova Junior College.
What was to be expected? What was to be
done? Questions. Some solutions later on.

So, I woke up quite early that day. 3rd of
January. The official start for all schools
below tertiary level. That goes for even
the tiniest kindergarten student. On that
day, I woke up at around 6-6.30 am. I
think. I wanted to prepare for the very
first day. Why? I guess cause I'm settling
into a new environment. So, I wanted to
make a good first impression. I even
bothered to use the hairdryer. As I said,
to me, it must all be perfect.

My hair had to be perfect. N my skirt. N
everything else. Yep. That was how i was
to prepare for the first day at innova.
Pretty lame i guess. But, that was how it
is. The night before the big day, I even
troubled myself by sewing my skirt, altering
it to get the right length.

The truth is, I didnt want to seem like
some idiot wearing a long skirt. I came from
a girls' school. No mixing with guys for
4 years. That's how it was for me. So,
going to innova, I'll meet guys. N so, i
was nervous. N to beat it, I had to look
at least perfect. Gosh. I sound extremely
lame. But this was how I felt when I
came to innova. Like a fish out of water.

Yeah. I bathed. Took quite a long time.
I got dressed into my uniform. That
was the fast part. When it got to the face
part n getting eveything right, that was
hard. Gosh. I'm vain. I admit it. But,
who doesnt want to look good on their
very first day?

So, I put on these things: powder and
lip balm. Just baby powder. I find it
stupid to wear make up to school. Cos
its just school. Not a club or mall. Yeah.
After that, I grabbed my stuff. And
off I went. At around 7.30 am. That was
late. Yeah. I'm supposed to arrive there
at 7.45am actually. I reached there 5 mins
late. Everyone else came lyk at 7.20 am.
So, I was actually 30 mins late. Damn.
I came to school alone and sweating lyk mad.

Ah! That was hard for me. It was supposed
to be perfect. Oh. I just remembered.
Before arriving at the parade square, I was
right behind this two malay girls. Minahs
was my 1st impression of them. Then, when
they passed this group of malay guys at the
parade square, they strted going crazy. One
of them made an impression of Eddie Guerero,
WWE superstar. He went: VIVA LA RASA!
Lame. N I was right behind those 2 gurls. It
was so weird. I quickly sped off to the other j1s
at the back w/o looking at those guys.

Argh. My day started off terribly. Sigh. So, when
i arrive at the back with the other j1s, i saw a
few familiar faces. I saw this group of gurls
wearing a not-so-bright yellow uniform and
blue-green skirt. Hmm. Familiar indeed. I saw
the group of gurls from class 4S3 and Valerie.
Waved at them. Then, I saw Yun Xuan and
Vani. I was trying to search for my cckps frens.
When I joined Yun Xuan and Vani, I saw them
and waved. I was surprised to see Yun Xuan.
Didnt noe she went innova oso. It was great to
see all my frens. All the familiar faces. Then, they
made us stand for what seem lyk hours. The
principal toking super long. sigh. I was so
relieved when she stopped n the j2s when to their
classes. N the j1s got into our Orientation Group.

I cant really remember what happened next. The
main point is we were brought to the hall. N after
we registered, the principal just had to talk again.
Gosh. We listend to her for an hour. No kidding.
She went on toking abt how impt the 3 mnths is
and tht its a pre-u course. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH...
The Ogls and councillors got CRAZY in their
clans. Yeah. When Ian came on stage and started
the clan spirit, the ogls were cheering. So, Ian
and Rafidah introduced us to some stuff abt the
school. Abt the Golden Maple Leaf(haha)....
Then, we got to know each other in our tribes.
Mine was arikara. Orientation grp no. 25. We
had ice breaker games. Lyk repeating
everyone's name and blanket game. yeah.

Then, I met this really nice gurl. haha. Her name
is Syaza. She's from BP. My 1st impression of her
is tht she is sweet and friendly. N the smarty-pants
kind. really! haha. So, me n her stuck pretty close
together. Prob cos we're malay.

Well, so, the whole day went pretty ok. the Ogls
had to show what their cheer is. I'm in
Blackfoot. Yo! haha. thts our main cheer.
Their cheers were pretty ok. My feeling on the 1st
day was lyk a little confused and scared to
speak up. yeah. Anyway, we had the stupid mass
dance. which i thought was redundant. N
then we had the station games. That was quite fun.
Especially the one where we used a curtain to pass
a ball to the other team till we score.

It was a long, tiring day. N we went back at arnd
5. It was quite an ok day. I guess...